Interview Impressions and the Colonel
08-13-05, 9:40 PM

According to Mapquest, I have five and half hour drive to Tennessee that covers to 278 miles. Using my super-mental powers honed by entrance exam story questions concerning rate of travel and two people leaving two cities and at different times, I quickly deduced that my travel time will only be four hours. Pure genius of simple arithmetic, I possess!

From previous disaster interview trips, you may recall my boss likes his employees to speak directly to him when we call in sick which usually puts a monkey wrench in my plans because I only call in sick when I�m hung-over or seeking a new job. Not having a drink the night before, with paper towels stuffed up both nostrils to change my voice and wads crammed in my ears to change my voice projection level, I called his office at 7:10 a.m. to avoid speaking directly to the boss and leave a loud, nasally message concerning my �...lack of sleep and feeling like shit...� Since I didn�t drink the night before, through your genius, you�ve deduced that I must be going on an interview!

With the car juiced-up the night before, I then averaged 73 miles per hour and arrived at twelve, two hours before my scheduled interview, which then permitted time for the most incredible prime rib sandwich I�ve had in a long time. Probably what I enjoyed more was the log built restaurant with black bear clothe covering the booths and the large picture window view of the Smokey Mountains. I felt as if I belong! I�ve been seeking this feeling since 2002 when I left Colorado. The opportunities to raft, tube or swim in a river; hike on a trail; see wildlife; or just sit on cabin�s front porch makes me feel alive with opportunity.

During the interview, the H.R. Director read from pre-arranged questions and wrote notes about my response below the questions. For the most part, I felt as if I did extremely well but son of a bitch! I couldn�t help myself on one question... I lied. I don�t know why I did but I did! It is not as if I couldn�t use another one of my experiences but I just found the shit flying out of my mouth. I couldn�t stop. What a schmuck! Is my lie some sort of defense mechanism that I purposely deploy to jeopardize my chances? By all accounts, I should be successful in this job but why would I lie? Any rate, we left on a good note and I hope she calls by the end of the week for a follow-up interview.

By a quarter after three p.m., I left the country, honky tonk town steeped in tourist trap attractions � go cart racing, mini-golf, country bar �dinner theaters� with well-known acts.

On my way back, traveling north on I-75 I caught an �historical marker� flying by my window that claimed, �The Birth Place of Kentucky Fried Chicken� which translates into �the Colonel� or �KFC� to the rest of the world. This was the Colonel�s first restaurant and I was a mere one exit away! Typically, these type of historical designations are reserved for such notoriety as President�s birth places, but this is Kentucky and no one is bigger than Colonel Sanders and his eleven herbs and spices!

�Hey, look at that! A museum and caf� all in one! I have to see this!� and that I did. Feeling as if I saw absolutely nothing this past Summer, my wanderlust sent down Corbin, Kentucky�s highway exit in search of the birth place of eleven herbs and spices. Above is the very first restaurant. Hey, it actually looks like a diner!

Outside the entrance and below the �Sanders Caf� sign, is a brass plaque dedicated this site as historic and recounts his life history. At the age of twelve, the Colonel began to care for his family and the Great Depression left him Corbin where he had the idea to capture the highway traffic market with delicious chicken dinners. Going for chicken dinners must have been the rage back in the day because he perfected his recipe in this kitchen and it is now known throughout the world.

Depressing was that this old style restaurant was preserved but directly attached was the modern KFC, chicken stand. Having taken in the sights and sounds of the past, I bought a souvenir, an honest to god, modern Number 6 that included two chicken breast, cole slaw, mashed potatoes and gravy along with a 20 oz Pepsi Cola. Taking my tray back to original restaurant section, I sat picking away at my greasy chicken then thoughts of the news story showing the slaughtering of chickens by two employees stomping on chickens got me sick to my stomach. At this point, I threw away the tray and remaining food.

Reading the placard in front of the kitchen, I learned that the Colonel sought to reduce the thirty minute cooking time for fried chicken through the experimental use of a pressure cooker, thereby reducing the time down to nine minutes. Hence, the creation of fast food was born!

Interesting was the Colonel�s entrepreneurial mind because he also had a chain of motels. While traveling, the Colonel was astute observer as to how a family chose a place to stay while traveling. Often women take a key from the motel�s night clerk and view the room before agreeing to spend the night in a motel. To entice people to try his motels, he constructed replicas of the motel rooms in his restaurants such that the �lady of the house� could view the rooms and gain an impression even before their trips began. Strategically, the Colonel placed these room replicas adjacent or across from the ladies� restroom found in his restaurants.

I wonder if the Colonel is a Colonel? Or, did he just claim to be Colonel? With strategies like motel room replicas next to ladies restrooms; pressure cookers; and cornering the chicken dinner market, he must be a genius, just like you and I when we started this short story. However, don�t we feel dumber for having wasted our time by reading this?

Yesterday - Tomorrow