Bed Time Story
09-22-05, 10:10 PM

A dumb question. A �Friends� episode did the typical sitcom routine of traveling to England for hijinks, bumbling antics and confusion of translating English to English. For rating boosters, do English sitcoms tape episodes in the United States? Do they go to New York, Los Angeles, or Chicago? Do they make jokes about �chips�?

The big date is Saturday night! We decided upon a coffee house / wine bar. Ply with alcohol, caffeine of sugary desserts! It�s been awhile since dating and my friend Tonia reminded me to show the charming, upbeat Bob, rather than �world sucks� Bob. Damn, I have to see if I have �dating clothes� to wear to make an impression.

The boss came back from vacation and we took a site tour where I walked him through the construction zone explaining the decisions I made while he was on vacation. I looked authoritative, decisive and in control. I think he felt threatened. The contractor and I looked at each other at one of his suggestion and probably had the same thought but I deflected the obvious by stating, �It would be to have the Civil Engineer take a look at the problem because he is the one with the license.� With this approach, it rendered his opinion and direction useless.

With United Weigh�s (Purpose mis-spelling) bribery of donuts and bagels to entice my generous co-workers and I to attend their donation drive meeting, I found myself getting deeply depressed after watching the hard luck stories of alcohol abuse and kids not getting read stories by their parents. For some reason, I found this humorous because my family should be staring on the video and receiving handouts. Kids not receiving bed time stories deserves a check?

So the very enthusiastic and model-like, beautiful Program Manager described how she volunteers to read to school children and how appreciative the children are. She further described how she enjoys them crawling all over her and how this benefits her as well because she receives love from them. She loves being touched by them. Really, really, really loves to be touched by them. I look around the office and begin to laugh because I�m thinking this would be pedophile�s wet-dream and they should consider screening these folks� background before allowing contact with children. �Miss Program Director, could you read me a bed time story instead?

Ya� know I would have loved to just give my $50 upfront, grab a bagel and glass orange juice and be gone, instead of being guilted out my money. Now, I�m going to need therapy to get over the fact children aren�t being read stories by their folks. The horror and tragedy of it all...

My Direct Tv receiver in the bedroom is broken, so I�ve resorted to sleeping on the sleeper sofa in the family room such that I could fall asleep to CNN�s round the clock coverage of the next hurricane. These types of stories seemed to havelost their luster and thrill as far news stories go. The reporters seemed disheartened when Rita dropped from Category 5 to a Category 4 hurricane and reminded the viewers, "the storm is still powerful and dangerous though, and should be taken seriously." If it ain't a five, you'll stay alive. Also, seeing a reporter trying to stand in a gust of wind is passe. They should make reality star contestants do it instead! Television is such crap.

I need a bedtime story.

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