Hang-over Haiku Day
12-08-05, 9:29 AM

A haiku poem of my recent Christmas shopping experience.

Amazon shopping.
Search, find, compare, add to cart.
A box at my door!

Okay, I�m hung-over at work and this is the crap I�m producing today. Somehow the gray clouds and threat of snow reminded me of my sixth grade award winning and published haiku poem. Ladies and gentlemen, I now present the literary genius of Bob�

Clouds are dark and gray
Making pictures in sky
When they�re sad, they cry.

(Roar of applause!)

�Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!� I state and bow graciously from left to right with hands folded together and humble posture.

Current state of affairs:

Man, I miss her! She should have married me instead. Still pining after all these years.

Mass hysteria:

There is a threat of snow accumulation of two to three inches. Somehow, this amount wasn�t good enough for the media so they added the two figures together to come up with five inches (2+3). Hence, there is a run on milk, bread and emergency equipment at the grocery store. For some reason, the media told people to purchase rope as well. "Yes, you need food, rope and um, um, a slinky in your emergency kit." says the demented newsreporter in a game of 'one-upmanship' with competing networks. As a result, the slinky stocks inexplicably rises at the NY Stock Exchange leaving brokers bewildered about the sudden demand of slinkies in Kentukcy.

Schools have already shut down and yet, not even a snowflake has fallen. Get this, the snow isn�t expected until after 7 p.m. I just don�t understand this city. I got to get out of here to find mentally stable people. Maybe, they�re stable and I�m not?

The girl:

I have not �closed the deal� because of her germ warfare. I just can�t see inflicting myself with an unwanted disease. I do like her company and talking with her because we have plenty of similar quirks and interests, yet I can�t let go. I was hoping a job offer in another city would just make this go away without hurting her but it doesn�t look like it will happen.

Making matters worse is that her birthday is in a few days and so is Christmas. I bought her a dvd players as gift and �Notting Hill� I didn�t want to give something so romantic that it would make it difficult. Why the DVD player?

The other night I suggested to rent DVDs and stay in for the night. Good idea, except she doesn�t have dvd player but only 13� television with a built in vhs player. Her place is not too �guy friendly� � electronics, stereo or big screen television. I ripped on her for this but she offered that we could watch the dvd on her laptop. (I�m still hung-over while I write this � not coherent thought patterns.)

While at Blockbusters, the new releases were all on dvd which prompted me to ask the clerk if they even made VHS anymore.

�No. They stopped producing movies on VHS tape. The other day, a guy lost the VHS of XYZ movie (I forget because I�m hungover.) and had to buy it for $100 because they don�t make it anymore. The movie was the last one they put on VHS.�

A closing hang-over haiku:

Alarm! Shut my eyes.
Oh, shit! Again, late for work.
Coffee! Too much beer.

�Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!� I state and bow graciously from left to right with hands folded together and humble posture.

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