It's your Birfday!
12-17-05, 10:50 PM

�It�s your Birfday! It�s your Birfday!�

Apparently, I�m over the shock of her revelation and purchased full body armor in case I wanted to delve in deeper. I did but with hesitation and much fear for the past week. My gut instinct was right that I should have ended the relationship when she told me but there were other qualities she possessed,(ie. intellectual, personality, runner, independent and a great body) that quashed my intentions. Instead, it is nearly four weeks later and as of last week, I learned it was her birthday on Thursday and I�m wrestling with the idea of her meeting my parents over Christmas.

You see, she has never met my parents because I�m not afraid of their disapproval but rather their approval. In the past with other women, if my mother said, �She would make a good addition to the family� then, shortly after I would break-off the relationship. On second thought, maybe I should introduce her? The other problem is: I�m truly riding the fence and I don�t want to give her the wrong impression. What it comes down to is: �I�m in LIKE with her.� So what does this backbone-less guy do? He jellyfishes decisions about the family meeting her and wishes Christmas to just vanish.

So, I�ve been merrily going along through the weeks with flirtatious emails and learned this week was her birthday, or as my young nephew would say, �Birfday!� No problem. However, she is slightly older than me by four years which has me at times questioning �age� because she is two years older than my older sister and I�m just a shallow guy. For some reason, as a gender we are genetically designed to look for younger women no matter how compatibale a relationship may be. I just can�t explain it and am baffled myself.

Any rate, due to scheduling conflicts for her Thursday Birfday, I took her to the trendy PF Chang�s restaurant which for a chain restaurant turned out to be quite delicious and recommended. Contemporarily dressed with seasonal silver and black attire, we were seated in the center of the restaurant when our waiter approached and looked deeply into HER eyes and deeply said, �I�ll be taking care of YOU tonight,� while ignoring me altogether and my needs. He was hitting on her! The bastard! Any rate, during our perfect duck and salmon entrees she says, �For Christmas, my parents are coming into town and my Dad would like to take you out to dinner on Thursday or Friday.�

Flashing through my head: �Oh shit! Where is this leading? Does this mean, I have to invite her to my family�s house? Is there more going on here? Christ, just this last week my mom was pushing me to invite her over for Christmas, even though she hasn�t met her yet and she added, �What is she going to think of you?� �

Over Thanksgiving, I was hoping for a holiday without the pressure of relatives to explore the relationship but she went out of town. I then hoped for an intimate Christmas but her folks are now coming into town. With these high-pressure relationship thoughts racing through my head, I must have over-loaded and paused for an eternity with a glass of wine frozen in my hand.

�You know, it just won�t be you and my dad! I�ll be there, too!�

�I should sure hope so! Otherwise, it would be an awkward date with your father.� I haven�t met someone�s father in at least ten years, mostly because there hasn�t been an opportunity and due to distance. �I don�t know... I don�t want to give the wrong impression or the wrong ideas. This is still early.� Silence. �Well, where does he want to go?� I questioned with a joking tone indicating the choice of restaurant may sway me..

�He likes Irish cuisine.�

�Irish cuisine? They have a cuisine? What? Boiled potatoes and beer?�

�No, he likes bars � you know� fish and chips.�

�Well, if bars are involved... maybe. He knows I don�t golf, right?� Golfers love to talk about their game and is a source of male bonding. I could fudge around this but I quit the game over five years ago and learned to abhor it after playing with a father who dragged me to the �Club�, a breeding ground for the pretentious, because no would want to play with him � especially since my father regularly shot over 120 to 140 per round.

�You golf! You told me! You used to go out all the time!�

�You forgot. I also quit. Your dad played on the PGA and Senior tour.� In the back of my mind, I think my dad would love to meet him...it would be the friendly thing to do...it�s only Christmas dinner. What are you doing? �Let me think about it.� This didn�t sit well.

Returning to my house, �It�s presents time! It�s your Birfday! It�s your Birfday!� Retrieving the presents, probably wrongfully after this night�s discussion, I said, �Don�t get too excited because this gift is totally void of romance.�

Last week, I explained that her house, although decorated extremely well and reflects her personality, it is not decorated for a guy needs � a viewable televison at a minimum and a dvd player. She owns a 12" television with a built-in VHS player for which rentals are no longer manufactured. Hence, I bought her a DVD player and Knotting Hill.

Seeming to at least appreciate the gift, �You bought this for yourself! I told one of my girlfriends about the �guy set-up� and she said, �Before she got married, she never watched television nor even owned one. Now, she watches daily because after a week of being married without a television, her husband had enough and went out and bought a big screen television.�

The night progressed and I played Jazz music from my �guy-friendly� satellite system and orchestrated her body rhythmically with my hands. She was so impressed, she is now a believer and purchasing a system with her tax return. Between music sets, wine and a �Death by Chocolate Cake� was served in bed. Her birthday, a day late, was all night the day after.

Nearly on cue, rather I just plain expect it now, I received an early morning phone call to hurry to my folks house because of Dad�s health. I scuttled the �girl� out the door pleased yet worried about dinner plans with her folks.

Christmas is only one week away and now, I have to find a gift, not electronics, that not only suits her needs but my intentions. I suck at Christmas...rather, I suck at relationships.

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