Greed and the now unavoidable
12-02-05, 6:44 PM

2006 ushered in uneventful with the �girl� with just a touch of romance by making dinner and breakfast. Immediately after breakfast, the �girl� says, �Sit! I want to talk.�

I comply with a happy belly full of blueberry pancakes, turkey bacon and fresh orange juice.

�Do you like dating me?�

�Why?�

�Well, do you?�

�Yes.�

�Do you want to break up with me?�

Okay, the situation rises again and I�m ambivalent about the decision.

�Why?�

�Well, I dated a guy for seven months and although he wanted to break-up with me, he couldn�t.�
She continued by stating she recognized my situation with my family and desire to find a job that I enjoy which may cause me to move.

In short, I don�t know nor knew how to respond. On one hand, there are my very selfish reasons of companionship, friendship and sex. On the hand, there are unselfish reasons that I like doing things for her, her interesting quirks, independence, good looks and she has a lot of the characteristics I seek in a woman. But do I see myself spending the rest of my life with her? Hey, didn�t you write about a desire for a meaningful relationship?

Uncomfortable silence follows and she speaks nervously to fill the void. I just don�t know what to say. We just had an enjoyable evening and morning and the date could have simply ended with a pleasant parting but she wanted to delve into these issues now. I felt some resentment, again. The timing was off and probably issues that I did not want to deal with at the moment.

Maybe that�s all I want? An enjoyable evening. Maybe, that�s all I want with her? �If you are a looking for something long term or a long term commitment, I can�t offer you that now. I�m still getting to know you. Also, my situation is most likely to change with a job in Xtown, out of state or when I approach my boss for a raise. I�ll know shortly though. I�ve thought about things you�ve said about your career and your commitments you made to your boss, a politician, that you�re in for the long haul. I�ve wondered if I did move would I ask for you to come along. I�ll be honest, I�ve guarded myself emotionally and prevented myself for giving fully.�

�But that�s what I don�t want to do anymore. I, too, have not given fully and that not the way I want to live my life anymore.�

The conversation continues about evaluating the relationship and it�s direction.

As she drives out my driveway, I follow behind and walk to the mailbox. With an odd sense of excitement to determine if my newly installed insulation and energy star digital thermostat and bulbs saved me any money, I open my utility bill. $305.00!!!!! Up $170 from last year!

Now, night has fallen and I�ve lowered the thermostat to 59 degrees and my fingers should be cold but luckily I�m typing away due to my issues.

I know my decision.

Yesterday - Tomorrow