A Hill's Ownership of Me
06-02-06, 11:09 AM

Oppressing, life force draining humidity caused the �girl� and I to run 4.5 miles yesterday out of the planned 6 mile run. During the last mile, I debated the merits of one more 2.2 mile hilly, lap because I had doubts as to whether I could run one more and tried to convince myself I should. �Do want this course and hills to own you or do you want to own this course by running one more lap?�

We didn�t speak as we crested the hill and drenched in either sweat or humidity. I couldn�t tell. The girl broke a labored, gasping breath to say, �I don�t have one more in me,� which instantly was returned with my mental debate, �Do want this course and hills to own you or do you want to own this course by running one more lap?�

�I don�t have one more in me.� Once again, she flatly stated.

�We have to at least finish running to the car,� the place where our run started at the top of the hill. Slowing our pace and after finishing the lap, we sought the drinking fountain near the covered gazebo next to the dog park where only the spry, young pups and dogs could endure playing through the wet air. I love this place, the unofficial �dog park�, where dog owners are drawn to gather in the protective, hills surrounding the basin. The owners can let their dogs run without leashes and socialize, if dogs actually socialize, while the owners keep a watchful eye on their dogs from the top of the hill and shout a command when it is time to leave or a warning if the dog strays to far.

The girl drinks from the fountain, then I. We make small talk but all the while in my mind�s recesses I�m evaluating her. I�m evaluating a near term and future life. Are the feelings true or is she solving something you�re missing now. I have no answers.

Walking to cool off but to no avail, we return to my car and I suggest to drive around to look at houses and see the architect�s progress on a home he�s personally remodeling and will have for sale in a few weeks. This home search began a couple weeks back as a home for me but I�ve included the girl because not only I value her opinion as she is a resident of the area but also if there is a future between us, the house should be one that she likes and big enough for us both. The problem being: for the house to be big enough for two a discussion about living together would have to occur shortly such that I could afford to purchase such a house.

Earlier in the day, I thought about breaching the subject but I had reservations as to what to say and how to say it. What are the implications? What if it doesn�t work out? How do you divide the property? Do you create a private agreement spelling out the division of property prior to purchasing? Is all this really necessary?

I never lived with anyone before and have grown quite accustomed and enjoy my independence and privacy of living alone. My somewhat newly married cousin wrote in email that at times she enjoys living with husband but other times she yearns for own space and there are adjustments to be made. �It�s just different.� She had no value statements to either way.

Certainly, a thrill exists of driving block by block looking for �For Sale� signs and recalling the homes we reviewed on the net and exchanged opinionated emails � �That�s cuuute!� or �Not a big enough back yard for my dogs and I need a garage.�

When it comes to view the home and if the house appears to be vacant, she has no problem of dashing out of the car and climging the front porch to peer into the window or open the gate to the backyard for a quick investigation. She�s electric and it seems another force takes over her. She calls house hunting, her �heroine addiction�. Christ! The �girl� was even telling me about ��this alley has great potential!�

As an Urban Planner, even I don�t see potential of alley, especially the one she envisioned with brick pavers, garage doors and landscaping because the alley before my eyes was strewn with cardboard boxes, trash, old basketball hoop and a few broken down cars. Yet, she is overly optimistic, a characteristic that I like.

One of our recent conversations was about dinners and Tuscany as she claimed, �There is an author that I enjoy and love who now lives in Tuscany and writes about her Vila�s outdoor dinner parties with friends. Although I�ll never be wealthy enough to have a Tuscany Villa, I can�t help to think that I can�t recreate that here.� She continues with a vivid description of her late night, informal dinners which spontaneously grew from a mere a late afternoon discussion into people leaving around 2 a.m. The 'girl' misses these dinners as her friends married or disbanded to other parts of the States to follow careers.

�Have you been reading my on-line journal? I wrote about something similar nearly two years ago. How long ago were this dinners? I�ve always felt as you get older people get involved with their families, hence the spontaneity is lost as they have to arrange for baby-sitters or their lives are so busy with careers that four to six hours would infringe upon sleep or well-scheduled lives. I�ve been internally debating these issues for awhile: Again, join the competitive rat race to make six figures and a lofty job title while sacrificing a personal life or have a humble existence but somewhat fulfilling life. Unfortunately, money is key component for either to occur.� Images influence as to who I should be but my reality dictates another me.

Yesterday - Tomorrow