At Least My Dogs Like Me
07-16-06, 8:32 PM

A normal person doesn�t stay home on a Saturday night to go to bed early and wake at 4 a.m. for 17 mile hour run. I�m not normal.

With forecast highs of 95 and a so-called �real feel� temperature of 105 degrees, we decided to do this training run right such that last week�s fiasco of my near fainting spell could be avoided. We ate a summer pasta dish the night before and began our pre-dawn run in 75 degree and 78% humidity. This was a run for mere survival, not for time. Three hours later we finished totally drenched and dripping with sweat. Taking off my totally saturated shirt which is supposed to wick away moisture I demonstrated it�s ward-robe malfunction by wringing-out the sweat that created a puddle on the sidewalk.

The night before we discussed the Chicago Marathon and she wanted us to go out to dinner with her �dearest friend� on Friday night which rationally or irrationally so pissed me off. Here�s our chance and only night alone together and she wants to spend it with her friend when I had other ideas. Immediately, we had a discussion where I expressed my reservations and it was resolved, yet, for some unknown reason, I just couldn�t let it go.

Perhaps, I tossed and turned all night because it seems I�m losing control over another aspect of my life, mainly my time, which all stems from my move from Colorado to a place where I don�t want to live � Kentucky. I moved here out of family�s request who had no regard for my career, friends or desires out of life. I took a low paying job with little control over my duties and no growth. This resentment is carrying over into my relationship to the point I was ready to walk away over trivial matters.

Is getting out of here (moving) the solution? Daily, I scan job ads for other parts of the country but the places to live or jobs appeal to me. Back in my 20's and early 30's I would have jumped at these opportunities, now I don�t give a damn. I hate my job and I dread going to work tomorrow.

Financially, I'm drained and this too carriers over negatively to other aspects of life. It seems all day I'm worrying about how to make ends meet.

I think I may carry some of my resentment into interviews. What rational person would give up a six figure salary to move to a place they never lived before and take a tremendous salary cut and lesser job title?

I just keep digging my own hole....stay positive. Well, at least my dogs like me.

Yesterday - Tomorrow