Forty...son of a bitch
11-08-05, 8:31 PM

As of yesterday, I�m 364 days closer to becoming forty years old which, surprisingly, I�m looking forward to because it seems the age when one begins to taken seriously by others. During my twenties, life was boundless and I was full of piss and vinegar, ready to take on the world and conquer it! My plans and goals were established with only hurdles to stumble me. Although not quite becoming a millionaire by thirty, I fell short by approximately $900,000! Not bad though, considering my dreams were, well, unrealistic but that is the essence of my dreams- fantasy.

Entering my thirties, I primarily sought, and still seek to a degree, accomplishments and just having a �good time�. I realized one of my dreams of living at a Colorado ski resort town, where I epitomized the Peter Pan syndrome of never growing old and playing hard all day and night � truly the best times of my life career-wise and with friendships. Everyday involved work, sports and partying by either drinking or just meeting and making new friends with the tourists. However, as I aged, I began to notice the people around me didn�t. They remained in their early to mid-twenties, which had some advantages in dating, but, then again, who wants to date an �old guy�?

Soon, I fell into the materialism trap and comparing accomplishments with tourists and friends. While on vacation, they proudly declared their new purchases of 5,000 square foot homes and accompanying toys whereas I barely scraped by to pay the mortgage on my 850 square foot shack. I began to admire their lives whereas, little did I know, some yearned for my non-committal and debauchery life style.

A six figure, corporate job yodeled across the mountains to me and I came down from the mountain to an ordinary world of one hour commutes and sixty hour work weeks, only to open my eyes and realize money doesn�t buy happiness but relationships and time to oneself does. Playtime was gone and replaced with responsibility and deadlines. Everyday and every decision became a crisis. Together, my dog and I became fat and out-of-shape as we no longer ran through the forest let alone had time for a stroll down the sidewalk.

Since then, I�ve been sidetracked to Kentucky in order to care for relatives and took a huge step back financially and now struggle like the rest of the world to pay bills. I�m humbled and appreciate what I have. Now, I�m seeking the delicate balance between work and relationships. But more importantly, I�m still trying to define who I am � even as I approach forty.

Damn, it! Forty! When did this happen? Oh yea, over a span of 14,246 days with 364 days remaining to forty! Forty... son of a bitch.

Signed the "old guy",

Milomilo2

P.S.

Credit for subject matter: Clarity25.

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