The Not-So-Desired-Girl?
11-13-05, 9:43 AM

A few months back I wrote about desired traits that I seek in a woman and recently discovered Desired Girl has most of them: causing me to begin to fall for her. Last night, she made dinner for me which was Thai influenced with a peanut sauce over chicken, red peppers and noodles and a not so good, over-cooked shrimp bisque. Why is this significant? Well, out of all the girls I�ve dated she is the first who truly knows how to cook. I was impressed.

My good impressions where carried over to the couch where we sat with a new bottle of wine and jazz playing in the background. �Bob, I don�t know how to tell you this but there is no other way but just to discuss it. I�ve been rehearsing all day and so far it still isn�t any easier.� She's nervous. I continue to touch her arm. �I really like you. I mean, I really like you...ever since I saw you. After last Sunday�s date though, I just knew I had to say something because after getting to know each other better, I think we are moving towards a sexual relationship.�

To myself, a small confirming voice with a high five in my head, �YES!�

�At least I think you want a sexual relationship because I know do.�

�Yes, I was hoping we were moving in that direction.� I coolly reply with my hand still stroking her arm.

�Well, I have to tell you that I�ve been diagnosed...�

�Did I just hear the word �diagnosed�? Cancer? Std? Aids!� All these race through my mind.

�...with genital herpes type I...�

Silence.

Noticeably, my hand stops stroking her arm and my poker face remains though. There was an impulse to gather my coat and leave as I felt a bit deceived after all the effort I�ve placed into getting to know her. Yet, I realized her telling me was much more difficult for her and, at least thankful that she was telling me. A little stunned but not so surprised I still did not know what to say or how to react. My next passing thoughts were: �Well, you are an adult and these are adult topics and Std�s are more prevalent these days and you should expect to meet someone with one by your age but why her, the Desired Girl? I wonder why I haven�t met anyone with herpes before? This is ironic as I just read kristintracy�s alter ego "Ask Becki" entry about discussing STDs.�

The not-so-I�m-sure-I-want-Desired-Girl continues, �Do you know much about Type I or Type II?�

�Uh..no.�

�Type I is not as bad and there are things you need to know for example if you have oral sex, intercourse ...�

I must have rolled my eyes at the thought now as the possibility seems now remote.

�...I know we�re talking about it and haven�t done so (in reference to oral and sexual intercourse)...� Minutes later into the conversation, she explained who, when and how she got it and to her relief that she was not alone as �2/3 of her girlfriends� have type2 or other ailments and hers is not as bad. Somehow, I didn�t believe the 2/3 of her friends have it and was trying to sell me as if this was normal. She also expressed her concern with the stigma attached to the disease to which I downplayed.

I didn�t know what to do or say. It is the next morning, Sunday. Last night, I spent in her bed and fooled around but all along �herpes� was in the back of my head and affecting how I touched her and performed sexually. My whole sexual �routine�, for lack of a better words, was now thrown out of whack because the threat of being infected. Some of my thoughts throughout the night and while fooling around were: Do I want to touch her? Is it spreading on me? I need to be careful not to touch her then me. She did say something about people having eye herpes. Don�t touch your face. Man, is she wet... will this spread it? Where is the soap? I just want to shower now. I have peroxide at home but I bet that will burn. Oh, but that feels good but don�t get too close. This is unfair. Why didn�t she tell me earlier, like the second date? So, I�m tagged as a pathetic guy she could fuck? I don�t want sores � I couldn�t run or jog during an outbreak.
But, she has so many of the characteristics I seek except this one, herpes.

During the night, she told me she had condoms. I declined because intercourse was not at the forefront on my list just yet. However, should I have put one on for the hell of it, just is case? I said it was better to wait and see.

I�m taking an anti-bacterial shower now, not that it will help, but it will clean my mental state. On one hand, I do like her a lot but there is spot of tarnish. By all means, I�m not perfect as I�m rusted with history and hang-ups but this becomes health related and unrelated to the person as a being. Can you separate the two?

Yesterday - Tomorrow