Madonna Appears with the Flying Spaghetti Monster
12-21-05, 11:14 AM

�Hello?�

�Bob, it�s Carol,� my friend responds and taking delight in her nasal, Jewish accent then immediately continues with shock, �I have the Madonna apparition upon my ceiling along with a detachable penis. I thought to call my Catholic friend to see what I should do?�

�Hmmm�did you take a picture?�

�No. I thought you may have a direct line to the Pope. Why do you think the Madonna would appear to me, a Jew?�

�Well, the Madonna was a Jew before Christ came along. But they didn�t become Christians until after He died and they believed in Him, hence the Christian moniker. I don�t know the new guy, Uncle Fester, but if were just a year or so ago, I could have got you an audience with John Paul. I do know a few ex-Jesuits who probably could help you with this miracle determination but they are full of doubt these days. Maybe She appeared to you because of your help with your ailing mother? Have you considered E-bay or charging admission?�

�E-bay?�

�Yea, post a picture and explain you will remove the ceiling and deliver it to the highest bidder. The detachable penis may devalue it a bit though.�

�Yea, I don�t get the detachable penis part? It�s huge!�

�Well, if you were the Madonna, why wouldn�t you go big?�

�Yea! I�d liked to be touched by the Flying Spaghetti Monster�s Noodley Appendage!�

Laughter.

�The Dover Judgment saddened me because this now denies the validity of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) as science.�

�You�re looking at the decision all wrong. It validates the FSM as supernatural and, perhaps, as a religion.�

�I suppose you�re right. Well, why do you think the Madonna appeared upon your ceiling.�

�My gutter is leaking from ice damming due to all the snow and freeze/thaw cycles. It�s a flat roof.�

�You know the flat roofs only last 7 years. You�ll probably need to roll another roof over it to stop it from leaking.�

�No. It�s copper. The former lesbians owners remodeled this house and made it solid.�

�You say they were lesbians? Lip-stick or dyke?�

�Dyke.�

�You�re right. The structure is probably solid then.�

Carol lives a big, colorful life. Just then a thud is heard outside her house with a neighbor screaming with lights shining. After bullshitting and laughing on the phone, her neighbor calls to warn her that a burglar or stalker was standing on her air-conditioner unit looking through her window. With that news, she was about to hang-up and call 911.

�I guess we found out why the apparition appeared. Maybe, it wasn�t the Madonna at all but one of the former lesbian owners warning you of the big penis standing outside?�

This morning, my mind was everywhere and as usual I was late for work and, yet, had to take out the garbage and move the wet clothes to the dryer. Noticeably, the basement was drafty and cold. I also felt a presence -- an eerily presence that something or someone was watching me which was causing this bone chilling cold where my breath would frost due to an evil spirit about to possess me. Maybe, I shouldn�t have joked about the Madonna last night? I felt movement in the air and a rustle. �Son of a bitch!!!!�

Milo�s face spies through the broken basement window pane: watching every movement I make. Good dog! Now, I�m really going to be late for work as I rushed to the garage to cut some foam insulation for a temporary patch for the window.

Finally, after the repair and taking the garbage to the street, I rush to drive to work when I realize I forgot my wallet and I�m past the point of returning home. During my drive through the neighborhood, other motorist honked horns and flashed lights at me. I just assume people recognized me. I wave back in friendly manner and mouth, �Merry Christmas!� Again, I reach over to the passenger seat to feel around for my wallet, as if it were to magically appear, and to ensure my homemade chicken soup wasn�t leaking through the Ziplock plastic container.

After two miles of driving, I pull to the side of the road after recalling I placed the container on top of the roof before climbing into the car. A miracle! The Madonna, the Flying Spaghetti Monster and the Detachable Penis answered my prayers! I�m having soup for lunch!

Yesterday - Tomorrow