Dicks!
09-23-05, 1:33 PM

Around noon during a meeting my �death phone�, rather I meant my cell phone, rings with a goofy, pre-programmed ring tone that came installed upon the phone. Quickly, I check the caller I.D. and see that is a call from �Mom and Dad� and believe something happened to them elicit a phone call during business hours. Previously, I explained that they cannot call me during work simply because they�re bored. I need to keep my low paying job! Rather, when such a lull occurs, they should call my brother or sister who are, essentially, stay at home parents available round the clock.

With the �jazz� ring tone hitting a grove in my pant's pocket, I excuse myself and walk outside the room and close the door behind me.

Me: �Hello.�
Mom�s voice responds, �Bob?�
Me: �Yes.�
Mom: �It�s mom.�
Me: �I know. What�s happening?�
Mom: �Nothing.�
Me: �What do you need?�
Mom: �What was the name of the barbershop you went to?�

Before answering one of her questions when she is trying to get �pertinent information� either on the phone or in person, I should always expect, but never do, the need to repeat myself. �Sports Clip.�

Mom: �What?�

Sure enough, instantly my blood pressure and tension sky rockets and I raise my voice just below a yelling level.

Me: �Sports Clip!�
Mom: �What is it?�

Now, my anger grows out of frustration because yesterday, I explained three times where the barbershop was located as well as repeating to my father what he should tell the barber when he gets his cut. Today, instead of their family room yelling, I�m yelling just outside the door of said very, important meeting. �Sports Clip!!!!�

Mom: �Where is it?�
Me: �Next to Dick�s Sporting Goods Store near Tinstletown.�
Mom: �Where? It is not at the mall?� In a tone that implicates the store�s location is my fault.

Believing increasing my voice level will cause the information to sink in quicker, I repeat the information even louder.

Mom: �So, it is not at the mall?� As if the question was a statement.

Me: Extremely frustrated with tension throughout my body, I turn the cell phone such the microphone is directly in front of my mouth and let loose. �DICK�S!!! Next to DICK�s!!!�

Mom: �At Dicks?�
Me: �YES! DICKS! DICKS!�

Laughter emanates from within the room I just left.

Yesterday - Tomorrow