Dress For Success Sycophant
12-02-05, 2:25 PM

Work pet peeve: people who use buzzwords to sound intelligent or knowledgeable.

For example, an exchange occurred in our conference room where the Director, I kid you not who only has a high school diploma (Mayor appointed), heads our meeting where we exchange information about projects that we are working upon. Everyone is involved in explaining their tales of how hard their slaving away and accomplishments. Nothing but puffery.

I created a little scenario between the Director and one of his �yes� men who also happens to be the President of the �Dress for Success� chapter but looks like a gay, used car salesmen. Second, I just don�t know what these people do but they claim to be �doing deals� but have nothing to bargain with or offer. They claim success in construction projects but these ventures are all private sector initiated. The best I can surmise is their sole function is to attend business association meetings/galas/dinners and report gossip back as to what corporations/business are doing.

The following is a close but a slightly exaggerated dialogue between the Director and his employee in his department who are practicing for joint department meeting. �Pop-n-Fresh� is a nick name we secretly gave to the boy-wonder, mayor appointed Director because he looks like the Pillsbury Dough Boy.

Dress for Success Sycophant (this conversation actually happened): While you guys are getting ready for �Santa Claus Coming to town by kissing babies, pressing palms and lifting those training wheels. I�m actually out there �doing deals�. (Clenches fist on the table twice for dramatic affect) Now, let me tell you�there are parties out there and you need to be informed! There is the Allentown A-glo, the Young Mutual Admiration Society Stroke to Midnight New Years Bang; the Vogue I-had-nothing-to-do-with-this-project-but-will-be-there-mugging-for-the-camera-and-over-exuberant,- fake-laughter-party.� (The irony is these party announcements, names changed to protect the innocent, should have nothing to do with job and duties but this is actually what his job entails.)

Dress for Success Sycophant: �Pop-n-Fresh, I�m digging those bright shiny cuff links. �

Director: �Why, you look snappy in your eighties white collar and blue shirt but your matching cuff-links, watch and tie bar brings the whole ensemble together. �

Dress for Success Sycophant: �Thanks! I�m trying to look like a successful attorney.�

Director: �Wow! You really know how to pull it off! You made a believer out of me! How�s your GED coming along?�

Dress for Success Sycophant: �The way I look: to the nines, it is only a matter of �style over substance�.

Director: �I agree. Let�s work on our catch phrases and deep authoritative voices before the meeting.�

Dress for Success Sycophant: �Great idea! You just keep coming up with such GREAT ideas! Okay, listen to this one: A cash cow is out there wrangled and hog-tied. (translation: I heard this business jargon of �cash cow� but have no idea what it means. I think it means a milk processing company may relocate to our town.)

Director: �Wow! You sound brilliant and like a go-getter. How�s this one? It�s �fourth and one� with our backs against the wall. Time to Keynesian up to the bar!�

Dress for Success Sycophant:: �I like it! Sounds like were in trouble but can clear the bar. Is Keynesian some sort of drink or athletic move? You know, like a hurdle?�

Director: �I don�t think so. It has something to do finance or economics. I heard Greenspan say �Keynesian� so I thought to use it in a conversation somehow.�

Dress for Success Sycophant:: �Gee wiz, you�re brilliant!�

Director: �Don�t forget, you look good!�

Dress for Success Sycophant:: �Yea, I know. I belong to an organization for dressing well.�

Hence, I searched the net to find others fed-up with these type of people and found this great site Buzzwhack

According to website Buzzwhack, a "Buzzwhacker is described as: "A person who receives some degree of pleasure in bursting the bubbles of the pompous. "

Use their dictionary to discover near buzzwords and their meanings. I particually enjoy the word of the day, "Microwaiting:The time spent in front of the employee break room microwave while your lunch heats up. Regularly occurs a few minutes before noon and is generally not reported as a part of the lunch hour."

As previously mentioned the boss is away and everyone at work is content and not hustling around trying to appear to be busy shuffling papers; making copies; chit-chatting on the phone; or annoying each other with non-pertinent questions. I wonder if the boss wasn�t around at all, would the co-workers get along a little better and get things accomplished?

My week-end plans: I run six miles tonight in the cold and dark; followed by a hot steamy shower and pats on my dogs� heads. Most likely, I�ll go to the new bar I discovered to see how the crowd is there. If anything, I�ll run the pool table and meet a few people.

Saturday morning I intend to clean the house; fold the giant pile of clean clothes forming in the basement; bring the treadmill over to my house; hang curtain rods and curtains (note that I lived in the house for two and half years and finally decided to buy some curtains � as a guy, this doesn�t matter to me too much.); run 4 miles; shower; nap and go to the girls house for dinner and �Christmas Aglow Stroll� in the business corridor for shopping and drinking.

Sunday: Go home and shower. Print resumes. Check the suit and shirt. Prepare for the interview on Monday for which I took the day off. Run ten miles.

Interesting tidbit I learned on this morning�s CNN�s Headline News is that Robin Meade�s parents flew into Atlanta to visit her. From the flirtatious banter between her and the weatherman, the sports guy and the travel guy, they mentioned Robin is from Cleveland, Ohio the city where I was born and raised. See it is only a matter of fortuitous timing that our paths will cross and she will dig me. It is good to have fantasies.

Yesterday - Tomorrow